birthday healing moment

if you know me well, you know i love my birthday. it's the one day of the year that belongs only to me! but as birthdays tend to go, some years are exciting, others disappointing and sometimes teary. but i always look forward to the surprises inherent in hearing from people i haven't spoken to in a while. one of them was a long time friend, someone strongly connected to my past. 

as i read his birthday message to me, vivid memories came forward of the last conversation we had over a year ago. it was a confusing time, my ex had moved out a couple months prior. i was in shock and trying to make sense of what had just happened. i decided to reach out to this friend, not for answers or insight, but because regardless of how i was feeling, a piece of me was worried about my ex. i wanted someone to have his back during this time. and as it turned out, my call was the moment this friend learned he had left me. 

my body shared in the memory of this conversation. in an instant, i felt in my heart what it was like to have to had made that call, the courage it took to reach out, the nerves and uncertainty, it all came forward as well. i recalled my motivation for reaching out. from the moment my life as i knew it began to unravel, i had a strong knowing in my gut that i had to try to approach the situation from a place of love and not anger. this became a guiding principle, a commitment to my process, one that tested me time and time again each step along the path.

as i responded to his birthday message, i was in the flow of choice, and opted to share with him how it felt to be me that night, how i felt afterwards, and how ok it is today. i had no expectations of a response in return (but he did and we exchanged honest and heartfelt words.) in doing so, i released a moment in time, a moment i didn't know i was holding onto, but i no longer needed to. what we choose - consciously or unconsciously - not to deal with because of circumstances or readiness, traps itself as energy inside of us and weighs us down as it stores in our bodies. releasing what we hold onto - thoughts, emotions, energy - allows us to be free. as soon as i pressed send, tears began to flow from a place of relief and when it was over, i carried on with my day feeling a little bit lighter, a little bit more healed in a way i could have never anticipated. 

my hope for him is he received healing as well.