the anxiety

is really getting to me. can i bum a xanax? if you had asked me when i started my yoga practice 16 years ago if i ever thought i would teach, my answer would be no. and it was no, for years... "when you going to do your teacher training?" 

i'm not ready, was always my answer. i'm not ready. for almost 15 years i wasn't ready. and then last year, it shifted. i don't know what the impetus was, but i was softening up to the idea and became curious. inside i was being called and a series of spiritual encounters (of sorts) ended up propelling me forward. once i was on the train, that was it. here i am.

on some level, receiving information from unlikely sources is gratifying confirmation. but knowing what i know now, i suspect a piece of me exists that always knew. it's been cloaked in self-doubt. but the wisdom of my body knows what the change ahead is about and it's manifesting as anxiety.

so last night, the anxiety was getting to me. i could NOT fall asleep. yes it was hot and i tossed and turned a bit, but my stomach was in knots and my mind was racing.

i grabbed my angelite, held one in each hand over my heart and closed my eyes. steadily and calmly i breathed in fear and breathed out courage. and again. repeat. i was able to calm down a bit and what felt like hours later, fell asleep.