it's only 15 minutes

i'm having anxiety about yoga teacher training and only two weeks to pull it together. ready for change, but resisting doing the pre-work i want to do, which is to practice being quiet. i'm clear what i need to stop doing: stop creating meaningless shit to do to fill up my time. all the errands and online scrolling is simply movement through spacetime with a lack of purpose. getting quiet is where i'll find a shift...i know this in my heart and it's as if i'm a cat, and quiet is a tub of water. what is this resistance about? is it fear of discovering purpose, or my fear of letting go of the comfort of distractions and meaningless activity? tired of being in a purgatory space, i committed to sit this morning. i gave myself 15 minutes to breathe in resistance and breathe out openness. the mind wanders, the train catches my attention, my dogs, whining and pawing at me out of nervousness in seeing me motionless, get ignored. it's only 15 minutes i tell myself. i continue to breathe in resistance, and breathe out openness. 15 minutes cannot go by fast enough, but for day 1, i did it.