it's in me, she said
i've been taking a small vacation away from myself this past week or so. been traveling, indulging in mind numbing stimuli such as shopping for stuff i don't need but am convinced i'll reach nirvana if i own, and generally preoccupying my brain with superficial questions that don't really matter, such as why anne hathaway bugs me so much. one could argue that i might be feeling more "balanced" after all the inner focus lately, but in reflecting on the quality of my yoga practices during this time, i've noticed this external focus is being matched on the mat with equally superficial yoga experiences. physically, but not mentally, present.
back in SF now, i took my magic mat to jennifer's class yesterday. i haven't taken her class in a while, but was looking forward to her beautiful, powerhouse energy. i was engaged in my practice and focused on getting grounded again as i moved through the postures. at paschimottanasana, i was treated to an adjustment. oh good, it's been a while, i thought, and prepared myself to receive the pressure as she gently leaned into my back.
the unexpected happened. the deep pressure of the adjustment was overshadowed by a wave of love energy flowing through my body. i bowed into myself, overcome with emotion at what turned into a quiet, sacred moment. i choked up and continued to shed tears throughout the rest of practice, including savasana.
after class, i expressed gratitude to jennifer for the dose of love, and she simply said:
the love is in you.
the words lingered in my mind for a moment but it didn't take long for me to recognize the implications of this statement.
i operate under a false perception of self: i lack what others have. as soon as i recognize strength, confidence, kindness, compassionate nature, etc., in others, i am somehow convinced i am not those things. but if i don't possess those qualities, how is it possible for me to recognize them in others? every day, we hold up a mirror to the world and see our truth reflected back at us.
so of course, the love is in me. i am that love energy, as i am the strength, confidence, compassionate and kindness i see in others. giving myself the gift of seeing who i am more clearly is just another layer of this journey unfolding.