Yes, it did happen--Honoring your new identity

“It’s easy to get sucked back in here. It was as if none of it had happened.”

This is what a friend of mine shared with me about her experience returning to the US after being away for a year. And her words really hit home.

I’m back in California after a year and half in Mexico. My reasons vary, including not loving the summer heat and humidity, hungry mosquitos that eat me alive, and hurricane threats, and also I have a desire to nurture a new, healthy love relationship. 

Taking the leap to live outside the US was a big deal to me. I lived 50-ish years of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area but had a long-time yearning to experience something new for myself. Mexico gave me a detox I didn’t know I needed—from the culture, the fear within me that constricted my body, and a shame spiral that was part of me for so long that it was normalized.

What replaced that was openness in my body and heart, a stronger connection to nature, greater inner security, and confidence—unexpected but definitely welcome outcomes. I also have new beliefs and values: the power of community on one’s wellbeing is a big one. Another is, it is safe to live a bigger life.

I notice myself questioning if the lessons and learnings will disappear.

Will I will wake up one day, feel small and behave as I did before I left, and my time will have then been ‘for nothing?’ In other words, anxiety-driven thoughts.

My fear of regression—old environment, old patterns—is real (and yes, this is a real thing after a life transition.) And it’s contributing to a slower pace for how and when I fully integrate back into life here, which I’m ok with. It’s my choice.

True, it’s easy to get sucked back in. I just experienced a week of dopamine hits at TJ Maxx and DSW Shoes. 😂

When we experience a major life change, we change in the process too. An old identity dies, a new one is formed. The lessons don’t get lost but are integrated with some intentionality.

Here’s how:

🌱 Acknowledging your experience and growth. I do this through writing or journaling.

🌱 Setting boundaries to protect your new identity. Because it’s easy to get sucked into what doesn’t matter, what you may no longer value, if you don’t. The boundaries I set before I arrived are centered on two main ideas: who I spend my time with. Are these people aligned with this new version of me? And what I give my attention to. Does this behavior, thought, or emotion resonate with the new me and open my heart or does it numb me and close me down?

🌱 Dropping the stories. Because the stories we tell ourselves are not true. I recently had the experience of noticing—and gratefully dropping—a big story I had been carrying around for a few years now.

🌱 Small actions. One way I Iike to keep this new identity alive within me is simple. I listen to my recording of the sounds in the morning in Sayulita. All the birds. Roosters. Insects. Dogs. It reminds me to stay open and embrace the richness of life, instead of chasing silence, separation, or distractions.

And to trust. Because ultimately this journey is about trusting.

What ways have you preserved your new identity after a major life transition?

BTW: That dream you have? Let’s make it happen. I’m currently accepting new coaching clients. Schedule time with me!

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