ARE YOU ASKING the “wrong” question?

have you ever read something you wrote a long time ago, like pages of an old journal?

what did you notice, if so?

I just had that experience. and that version of me gave me insight on a dilemma i’ve had — for 4 years.

i’ve been taking a deliciously spacious break from social media posting to access my creativity again. to find the woman in me who speaks from her heart instead of through the expectations and rules of social media.

so I came back to this blog and as I reoriented to it, I found a bunch of drafts.

draft after draft of blog posts going back to 2018. some half done, some ready to publish (that I didn’t have the confidence yet to post.)

I noticed my words, my expression. they were deep, beautiful, and moving. I couldn’t believe they came from me.

I wrote about the pain of my divorce.

I questioned the direction of my life while still keeping the faith that this was all happening for a reason I could not see yet.

but mostly, I wrote about my yoga practice and what it means to me.

and this is where the insight comes in… (bear with me)

because despite a steady 24-year relationship with my yoga practice, it’s currently hanging by a thread in my life.

i’ve gone from a long-term relationship with it to a situationship. from a 4x/week practice for almost 20 years to a “maybe it’s time to practice this week” mindset. from anxious attachment to an avoidant one.

I could blame it on the lockdown…

while everyone locked up at home was flocking to the practice, I wanted to be anywhere but on my mat and started pulling away. I began questioning — how does this practice still nourish me? how is this fitting into my life if it’s not? — and 4 years later, am still sitting with those questions.

my draft posts reminded me that this practice has given me so many gifts. insight, reconnection with my body, and a catalyst for change from the inside-out. it has shown me the way when I didn’t know what direction I was headed. it has been a home.

but blame doesn’t belong to what’s outside of me. i’ve been asking the “wrong” question.

you see, the nugget of insight from my posts was this:

👉🏽 reciprocity: relationships cannot thrive unless we invest in them.

divorce taught me that. and yoga is no different.

and if i’m really, really honest….for 24 years i’ve been taking/receiving from yoga.

am not giving.

yoga has given me all she can.

the question i’ve been asking about my practice has been coming from a taking, extractive mindset — “what can you give to me?”

the more spacious inquiry is:

👉🏽 what does my yoga practice need to be nourished?

and when I reframed the inquiry in a new way, an answer came because I looked at my situation through a different lens:

👉🏽 it needs my presence.

in a culture of distractions, obligations, expectations, many of us are extended beyond capacity and being present to what matters to us can fall to the bottom of the list.

presence is more than being undistracted.

presence is the energy of love and devotion.

anything that matters to us is asking for our love and devotion.

🌱 when was the last time you were truly present for what mattered in your life, including the relationship with yourself?

🌱 when you gave your undivided attention to someone you care about without trying to fix or save them?

in its simplicity we underestimate its power. presence helps others feel seen, heard, and like they matter. it helps US feel seen and like we matter when we give it to what we want to create in life. ❤️

my clients receive my presence.

my friends and loved ones do too.

but my yoga practice? i’ve forgotten how. or perhaps the way i’d been showing up on my mat is not through love and devotion but with the energy of doing and taking.

yoga has always quietly nudged me in this direction.

and so this morning, I’ve created space to be with yoga.

to give my presence on my mat. to nourish my connection to this practice.

so I ask you —

🌱 what are you struggling with in your life?
🌱 if you reframe your dilemma through an alternate lens, what becomes possible?
🌱 how can you give more love to what matters most to you in your life?

🪷