SOMETIMES I WANT TO CRINGE. THIS IS ONE OF THEM.
I make no secret that I’m a recovering perfectionist.
I used to care A TON about how I presented. There was a time when I was $40,000 in debt from shopping for “the right” clothes. I went through a phase when I spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on makeup and tools. Thousands of dollars to cover up my gray hair since my 30s. Every single social occasion was a reason to tear my closet apart from head to toe to find “the perfect outfit” just to receive the Gold Star Compliment: “You look amazing! Flawless! You always look pulled together!”
UGH.
(Thank you pandemic. I now know it’s OK to wear the same outfit every day and awesome to go gray! 😂)
But it runs way deeper than this.
It’s tough (and fascinating) to realize that everything I’ve done or said in my life has filtered through the lens of perfection. It showed up in academics as an A-student, in my obsession with doing all my corporate jobs “right”, in keeping the peace with others, in how I tried to change my romantic partners, in suppressing emotions and censoring my voice.
Cringe cringe cringe. 😬
Grief is here too. I’m sad for my inner child, who needed this safety strategy because she adopted a story she was not lovable otherwise. And for my adult self who continued to feel like she needed to run the pattern. (Sending them both some love).
Because perfection has left no stone in my life unturned. And undoing it by building inner security has been a humbling, sacred journey. But thankfully am here.
So as I continue my inner work, here I am today, totally not giving a rats booty about my crazy, beautiful, gray hair blowing in the ocean wind.
It felt so FREE.
May my share be medicine for those also looking at the impact of perfection in their life. I see you!
❤
AND, my FREE 14-Day Imperfection Challenge is waiting for you if you want to explore unseen spaces within you.
Sign up here to participate. You’ll receive a workbook, support videos, and participation in a community. Grab your journal and get ready!
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