on #hashtags and healing
the past few weeks, i’ve been reflecting on my year, the direction my path has taken me, and what my experiences of 2018 have taught me.
in 2017 i began to use personal #hashtags as a bit of a north star, to guide me through the choppy territory of a major life transition by influencing my decisions. i came up with the idea rather intuitively as i was posting on instagram. i suddenly wondered what it would mean for my life if i gave it a hashtag. within seconds, #sayyes and #surrender came to mind. as opportunities for new experiences came up for me to accept, decline or at least consider, #sayyes encouraged me to explore beyond my comfort zone. #Surrender, on the other hand, was about faith. having faith that the universe was making this happen for a reason, surrendering to the moment before me, to the truth, whatever it was, and trying not to force the process. it was a raw and delicate time. i was vulnerable in my sorrow and trying to seek comfort in the unknown. my future felt up for grabs, and i was ripe for exploring my edge.
in 2018, i was curious to learn more about who i might be becoming. in a heartbeat, i declared #sayyes an automatic rollover and #surrender was replaced with #create, #power, #naughty. my year has been marked by intuition, an unearthing of quiet wisdom, an expanding definition of self, and my capabilities. this was a private year for me, most of my journey forced me to look at deeply held beliefs. here is a snapshot:
i used art to explore sides of myself previously unknown or uncared for, which mirrored back to me my strength, beauty and awe just when i needed it most. it built my confidence, connected me with my femininity and helped me feel more empowered. but most importantly, it surfaced and shifted an unconscious negative belief i held about myself which i was able to examine, clear out and reframe.
i worked with ancient healing modalities to go deeper on this journey, to find the dark crevices inside that need to be brought into the light for examination so i can live life with more inner peace, more harmony. the work is difficult, and healing is ongoing.
i tried online dating for kicks. i met scammers, i met real men, i had some fun, i cringed, i grew, i hesitated in the process too, wondering if the effort was worth it. through my experiences (positive and negative) with dipping my toes back into the world of men, i became clearer about what i’m looking for in the kind of connection i’m seeking.
i was a panelist at a women’s conference, my first public speaking opportunity ever. the experience prompted me to question where i’ve been hiding all my life (and why), and the role of fear in my life.
divorce is not easy, and it continues to be a teacher in my life even as 2019 arrives. as of today, i can’t easily say i’m looking forward to what lies ahead this year. i anticipate this year will have a big role in my healing process, one that involves big decisions. i’m thankful to have a record of courageous acts from allowing hashtags to guide me. i’m grateful to have discovered the path towards self-love as a result. i know what i need to call forth now to meet the challenge. (and still, it won’t always be smooth or easy.) am feeling like my 2019 hashtags ought to be:
(clear) #action
(alignment with my) #heart
(continue to) #sayyes
now it’s your turn:
what hashtags could you adopt for your 2019? share them in the comments below.