on reframing the role of hope

music has a way of connecting us to our unexpressed, deep emotions. when i heard missing you by john waite on the radio other day, it screamed theme song material. heartbreak is an interesting ride. blame, confusion, shock, anger, sadness, hope...and that's just the first month. this week, it occurred to me that the longer i go without answers, the longer this strange situation continues, i will have no choice but to start envisioning a life without him. in other words, lose hope.

when the swirl of emotions left me feeling messy, a sense of hope brought me back. hope was the pilot light in my furnace, something that kept me going. maybe he'll realize that this was a mistake...maybe he's just going through something and needs space. maybe i'm in denial that this is really happening. 

during this time - as i do with all chaotic times in my life - i've been relying on my yoga practice for salvation. getting on my mat was the first thing i did within an hour of hearing his shocking news, eager for a deep, focused sense of calm (which i got). now, as i begin to explore the role hope has in this process, yoga offers a nugget of wisdom that speaks.

in the baghavad gita, krishna tells arjuna to act but release the fruits of his actions. in other words, don't be attached to the outcome. being attached to hope is being attached to a specific result, which leads to suffering in buddhist thought.

perhaps a reframe is needed. instead of losing hope, maybe release any attachment to a specific outcome that hope could bring.