meditation update: 20 mins
the past couple of weeks, i've been focused on getting in the practice of a 15-minute (almost) daily meditation, not because i want to, but because i will have to as part of my yoga teacher training program. admittedly, the idea of rejecting my best friend - my noisy mind - in lieu of creating quiet space scares the crap out of me so getting myself to sit at all is a major accomplishment. in the spirit of finding purpose though, i'm doing it. picking the right time of day has been a challenge. i'd like to believe mornings would be best for me because my mind hasn't quite woken up yet. but after a rare, early morning meditation this weekend, i realized this won't be practical. not only am i surrounded by my extroverted dogs and husband, but it occurred to me: what's the point in quieting a somewhat-quiet mind? if i'm going to really do this, my challenge is to work with where i live: upstairs in a sea of constant chatter.
up to now, i've used techniques from whatever random knowledge on meditation i've stumbled across in recent years. counting to 10...starting over when my mind wanders....saying a word with every in and out breath....that sort of thing. since my focus has been on simply forcing myself to sit, i haven't cared much about how i was going about it. i cared about the timer and "checking the box". but today's reading homework on meditation inspired me to dare myself to sit for 20 minutes.
20 minutes WTF!!!
i thought it was going to feel like a long time, but i can see now that without specific tools and techniques, meditation is a chore nobody wants to do - like cleaning your toilet after a dude has used it. tonight i found it easier to bring my wandering mind back to the breath. perhaps the technique i used led to a softer attitude with myself, maybe it was the after effects of severe insomnia last night. either way, one minute i was thinking, planning, doubting, worrying and the next, i could feel my body move into a more calm, relaxed state. the timer went off and i jumped, prompting me to immediately change the alarm sound from radar to one less jarring: chimes.
maybe i'll go for 25 tomorrow.