teachers all around
it occurred to me recently that i hadn't blogged in a couple weeks...or practice my mantra. i'm still keeping up with my regular yoga practice. my experiment in class as mentioned in one of my previous posts continues and i've noticed some softening of effort on my part as a result. in other words, i'm not working quite as hard to battle my monkey mind when i'm on my mat. this is noteworthy, yes, but not an earth-shattering, must-blog-about-this-now moment along my journey. perhaps things are leveling off. or maybe i need to look beyond my yoga mat for inspiration.
i realized recently a teacher can be found in unlikely situations, often when we aren't looking for one. these situations become the true test of mindfulness and our ability to apply new learnings.
vegas is my happy place. we own a small house there and go often enough to build a parallel life off the strip. to me, vegas represents freedom: freedom from a to-do list, freedom from crappy weather. it was my idea to suggest to one of my besties to drive out there with her 8-month old baby for a little g-rated weekend, sun, shopping, pool and general catch up.
our car trip began at night. we arrived late but the baby slept the entire way (a great plan). after her morning nap, we hauled our goods to the pool in my housing complex only to find it closed for the weekend for cleaning. bummed, we still had some time before the next nap and moved onto plan b: shopping. just when we started to get into the groove, baby reached her nap time and began to meltdown. i really couldn't blame her, the handful of stores we went into were loud and crowded. known for my marathon shopping abilities, i was bummed to leave but knew i had to put that aside. this was my first moment to practice patience and compassion. back home we went. still, i secretly obsessed over the next opportunity to shop.
the threat of 90 degree weather the following day forced us to look at non-strip pool options. it seemed as if we went through a lot to locate a community pool only to be told at the 11th hour we couldn't use it because my house wasn't located in that particular community. plan b: a water pad at a kiddie park in an outdoor mall. brilliant! baby splashed, we ate lunch while she napped and when she woke up, we went home. no shopping, but i figured i could browse ebay later to get my fix.
an early dinner that night at an outdoor table put us at the intersection of michael jackson, cinco de mayo and live classic rock music, all coming from three different places. we couldn't leave fast enough. my girlfriend and i were overstimulated, but baby did fine... until she went down for bed, and then she had a meltdown while trying to sleep. i noticed how concerned my girlfriend was, her newly cultivated bionic ears were finely tuned to the baby's fussiness in the crib. mothering isn't my area of expertise, but i felt bad for both her and baby. we were leaving the next morning, which seemed like good timing.
half way through the drive back home, the baby was over her car seat and MELTEDDDDD down. we pulled over to feed and calm her. the second we took her out of the car seat she was fine but we knew it wouldn't last. an illegal (and unsafe) britney spears was not in the cards. back in the seat she went and the crying resumed. the meltdown toppled the boundaries of my patience. i couldn't remain calm inside and pulled a stefon face, which my girlfriend (rightly) asked me to stop doing. where was my reaction coming from? from feeling bad for the baby, feeling helpless and definitely from not being in control.
this baby turned out to be my teacher for the weekend. she showed me the work i've been doing to cultivate patience and compassion is starting to take root, but is not perfect. it may never be, but is that what i'm striving for? perhaps the practice of cultivating these qualities is more important than reaching a state of perfection.