how my yoga journey began
i used to be a gym bunny. step class was my all-time favorite! i loved hopping on and off a bench while waving my arms up and down to house music (if i tried it now i'd probably have a heart attack). over the course of about a year, i found myself in conversation with several people who urged me to try yoga. yoga is for people who don't work out i would say. so naturally, my curiosity kicked in one day. why are people saying that? should i practice? what is yoga anyway? i found it's yoga somewhere, possibly a phone book, possibly the internet... it was 13 years ago so who knows... i made a phone call, asked a couple of surface level questions and showed up for class that night. a rocket class. perfect. i had no idea what that was, but you don't know what you don't know, right? so i jumped in and quickly became concerned that i was the only one shaking like a bitch and sweating out of every pore in my body during downward dog. more confusion set in when i heard the words eka pada galavasana and suddenly 50 people leaned over in a crazy balance pose with their leg sticking out. what the hell are they doing?????
we don't know what we don't know and what i didn't know was "rocket" was a unique sequencing of ashtanga 2nd and 3rd series poses developed by larry schultz, founder of its yoga. for those not in the know, pattabhi jois refused to teach students 2nd and 3rd series (advanced poses) until they perfected the primary series poses. larry, however, insisted on making them accessible to many, thus earning his reputation as a "bad man". larry was a character. he taught the grateful dead yoga, he smoked pot, he loved people (especially women). he'd say quippy things as he taught class:
you're stronger than you think you are
take that feeling and give it a color
if you don't ask, you don't know
despite that i was clearly a beginner and had no idea why i would give a feeling a color, i was hooked. hooked, sweaty, confused, aching from waking up muscles i didn't know i had, and most importantly, curious. for the first 7 years of my practice, i called it's yoga home, showing up for class as much as five times a week.
one day i was at the studio early and larry and i struck up a conversation. all is coming for you in about 12-years...you are a 12-year student. what does THAT mean? you'll see.
as someone who usually takes a thorough approach to decision making, i have to admit, i really didn't "get" what yoga was about before i started. i was surrounded by people who thought i'd "love it" and other than lilias yoga and you which was my first new age-y granola exposure to yoga, i had no idea what to expect. yoga = union, ok, so what? i probably should've made more than one phone call or read a few books to learn more but i didn't. and now i was hooked and being told that all is coming in 12 years. that seemed like a big commitment.
they say engaging in a regular practice is like peeling away the layers of an onion. my first yoga clue was revealed a year into practice. i was dating a man for two years and though i loved him a lot, i was feeling a sense of frustration about the relationship. it occurred to me one night after practice... no, not occurred, more like hit me like a thunderbolt... that yoga is about love and loving yourself. the next night, i initiated a conversation. he admitted to being an alcoholic, which explained a lot. i love myself, i said, and i can't be in this relationship. that was the first of many times yoga has saved me.
in the years that followed, the layers have been slowly peeling away. yoga evolved from a curious physical practice into the strongest, long-term relationship in my life. i've had my down and up yoga moments. i've battled my mind in practice, slowly beating myself to an early savasana. i've been focused and grounded. i've celebrated an easy eka pada galavasana. i've cried tears of loss in practice and laughed hysterically as well. yoga is an inward journey into acceptance. this year will be my 13th year of practice and the lessons continue to reveal as strength, focus, endurance, love. i'm starting to define my practice as a mirror, and i suspect positioning myself for a deeper truth to emerge. maybe this is what larry was talking about when he said all is coming for me around this time. maybe that's how long it would take for me to be ready to see the truth about who i am.
all is still coming, i can feel it.