empty space
i’m still trying to figure out what i’m supposed to be doing after work, after i get martin home, do the breakfast dishes and change into my sweats. i've had a frequent urge to clean closets. all of them (and they need cleaning). but then i pause that idea, knowing i must be patient because there’ll be a time and a place just around the corner for that.
the concept of pausing is interesting, really. i can count the number of times (zero) that i’ve been able to pause in the past 16 months. and by pausing, i mean, not preoccupy myself with “what’s next” and just being ok with empty space.
the urge to fill my time right now with tasks says something about what my relationship is to space. space is not comfortable…. it’s quiet. my mind loves to occupy empty space, filling it with thoughts and analysis, because then i can avoid seeing things as they truly are. instead, i can judge them and judge myself. and i know - at all levels - that i must become more compassionate with myself.
digging pema’s start where you are book right now.